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The Gifted Child Paradox: High Ability, High Sensitivity
June 17th 2025 / Assessments / By Randall Symes
What is Giftedness Beyond High IQ?
Giftedness encompasses far more than a high IQ score. While intellectual ability is certainly a component, gifted children often display advanced reasoning abilities, exceptional memory, and intense curiosity alongside equally important emotional and sensory intensities. They may feel emotions more deeply than their peers, show heightened awareness of environmental stimuli like lights and sounds, demonstrate acute moral sensitivity about fairness and justice, and have deep aesthetic appreciation for beauty and art.
The Five Overexcitabilities
Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski identified five “overexcitabilities” commonly found in gifted individuals:
● Psychomotor – Surplus energy and difficulty sitting still, often misidentified as ADHD
● Sensual – Heightened sensory awareness that can cause overwhelm or deep aesthetic appreciation
● Intellectual – Intense drive to question everything, leading to frustration with superficial answers
● Imaginational – Rich inner fantasy life that fuels creativity but may interfere with mundane tasks
● Emotional – Intense emotional responses and strong empathy that can become overwhelming
Common Challenges: When High Ability Meets High Sensitivity
The intersection of high ability and high sensitivity creates unique academic paradoxes. Despite their capabilities, some gifted children underachieve due to boredom, perfectionism, or emotional overwhelm. They may show inconsistent performance, excelling in areas of interest while struggling in others, and their advanced thinking can separate them from age-peers, leading to social isolation.
Emotionally, these children often struggle with perfectionism, setting impossibly high standards that create anxiety and fear of failure. They may grapple with existential concerns about life, death, and meaning at surprisingly young ages. Their asynchronous development means intellectual maturity often outpaces emotional or social development, creating internal conflicts and external misunderstandings.
Social difficulties frequently arise as they struggle to relate to age-mates who don’t share their interests or intensity. They may feel fundamentally different and misunderstood, experience resistance when trying to lead, and take criticism more personally than intended.
These challenges can compound, creating a cycle where their giftedness becomes associated with struggle rather than strength.
Supporting the Gifted Sensitive Child
Supporting these children requires a multifaceted approach that honors both their abilities and their sensitivities. At home, parents need to validate their child’s intense experiences rather than minimizing concerns or suggesting they “toughen up.” Creating supportive environments with quiet spaces for decompression and respecting their need for downtime after stimulating activities becomes essential.
Emotional coaching plays a crucial role in helping children develop vocabulary for their feelings and learn regulation strategies. Teaching them to identify triggers and practice coping strategies for overwhelming situations empowers them to manage their intensities. Nurturing their interests through deep exploration opportunities and connecting them with like-minded peers helps balance their need for challenge with emotional support.
School environments require educational accommodations that address both intellectual and sensory needs. This might include noise-reducing headphones, alternative seating, flexible pacing for perfectionist tendencies, and opportunities for creative expression. Social-emotional support through counseling services familiar with gifted characteristics, social skills groups, and regular check-ins about emotional well-being helps address the whole child.
Differentiating Between Sensory Processing and Behavioral Issues
Acknowledging school anxiety doesn’t mean surrendering to it. The good news is that anxiety responds remarkably well to proper intervention. Start by validating your child’s feelings without reinforcing avoidance. “I understand you’re feeling worried, and that’s okay. I’m here to help you work through it.”
Establish consistent routines that provide predictability and security. The known is always less frightening than the unknown. Create calming morning rituals that include ample time for preparation without rushing – anxiety and time pressure are a volatile combination.
Work with your child’s teachers to create an environment where mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities rather than failures. Many educators welcome parent partnerships in supporting anxious students. Consider small accommodations that might make big differences –
a check-in with a favorite teacher, a quiet space for regrouping, or a photo of family tucked into a backpack pocket.
For many children, developing practical coping strategies makes all the difference. Simple techniques like deep breathing, positive self-talk, or visualization can empower children to manage anxious moments independently. Practice these tools during calm periods so they’re accessible during stressful ones.
Creating a “worry plan” can also be effective – help your child identify specific worries and develop concrete strategies for each. For instance, if your child worries about not understanding classroom instructions, the plan might include permission to ask the teacher for clarification or having a designated classmate who can help.
Gradual exposure often proves more successful than forced confrontation. If your child is refusing school, work with school personnel to create a step-by-step return plan. This might begin with attending for a single class period or even visiting the empty classroom after hours, gradually building tolerance for longer periods in the anxiety-provoking environment.
When Home Strategies Aren't Enough
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, school anxiety persists or intensifies. This isn’t a reflection of parenting failure but rather an indication that professional support may be beneficial. When anxiety significantly interferes with attendance, when physical symptoms persist despite medical clearance, or when your child’s distress extends beyond school to multiple settings, it’s time to consider seeking help.
Professional assessment can determine whether your child’s anxiety is part of a broader pattern requiring intervention. Some children with school anxiety may be experiencing generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety, or even depression. Others may have undiagnosed learning differences that make school genuinely challenging, with anxiety developing as a secondary response.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has proven particularly effective for school anxiety. This approach helps children identify anxious thoughts, evaluate their accuracy, and develop more helpful thought patterns. For example, catastrophic thinking (“Everyone will laugh if I give the wrong answer”) can be replaced with more balanced thinking (“Most kids are focused on their own work, not mine”).
Family therapy may also play a role, particularly when family dynamics unintentionally reinforce anxiety. Parents with their own anxiety histories may need support in managing their responses to their child’s distress. Learning to strike the balance between empathy and encouragement often requires skillful guidance.
The Long View: Anxiety as Opportunity
While supporting a child through school anxiety can be extraordinarily challenging, there’s an important silver lining to consider. Children who learn to manage anxiety in supportive environments develop resilience that serves them throughout life. The child who overcomes school anxiety with proper support isn’t just learning to attend school; they’re learning they can face fears and emerge stronger.
Take the First Step Today
At Randall Symes Psychological Services, we specialize in helping children understand and overcome school anxiety. Our comprehensive assessments identify the specific triggers and patterns unique to your child, allowing us to develop targeted strategies that address the root causes rather than just the symptoms.
Our evidence-based approach combines individual work with family support, ensuring that parents have the tools they need to reinforce therapeutic gains at home. We also coordinate with school personnel to create consistent support across environments.
Don’t let school anxiety steal another day of learning and connection from your child. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and begin the journey toward confident school attendance. Your child deserves to experience education as an opportunity rather than an ordeal, and we’re here to help make that possible.
Call 780-555-1234 or visit our website to book your appointment and help your child rediscover the joy of learning.
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